Trying not to focus on the “why”

This morning I woke up to speak to my creator…..and as I was silently praying in tongues so I don’t wake my household up with my “re ba ba ba”……I hear her little voice singing in her sleep….. she was humming a song ….. I tried hard to make out what song she was signing ….. suddenly….. she stops …. moves around a little in her bed and then mutters …amen …..falling back asleep ……… Naya my little angel 😇 … what was she dreaming about I wonder 😁😁

Lately my thirst to know this man I call God has shocked my inner core …. I am not one to follow the traditional doctrine of religion or “church” as I call it ……but rather there is this desire to have an intimate relationship with this person I call my king…….but alas in my search for intimacy ….there is this void which i can’t explain and don’t know how to fill…. things happen that makes that void even bigger ……I say to myself God where are you ….why will you allow this situation happen after we have spoken about it … why is there so much unrest….. father where is the peace ….. why is my state of mind being tested …… you asked that I hand it over to you….. however you have gone mute …. disappeared into thin air…… now I start to question if this God is actually real …. 

However, I have faith so I still hold on…. …. then I get news of a precious sister passing away….. I go to back to him…… I say to him ….lord how can you take away someone so precious without an explanation or no warning….. why do you keep on doing things that we can’t question you about …….my mind wonders further….. 

Lord why is this financial need still here ……you said all I need to do is ask and I shall receive..come on dude…….i have been asking naaa!!!! and still nothing ….seriously God what are you up to because it ain’t funny no more!!!!!! I have been real with you …. now it is your turn lord …. you need to be real with me !!!!!!!

With so many questions and thoughts going through my mind, what I fail to realise is that God is always listening and is always speaking …. however I choose to hear/see what I want to hear /see….. 

I get scared because whenever I ask God to reveal certain things …. both positive and negative … he always does…. I really don’t know why I ask him to reveal the negative things ….because living in denial is easier to cope with compared to knowing the truth about a situation….. 

 He also reveals the positive things, however I fail to see it because I am so FOCUSED on the negative !!!!!!

I have come to the understanding that we are not going to understand what God is up to all the time. We simply will NOT understand and may / will question his actions……

However knowing that we have the grace of God with us makes this journey called LIFE a lot easier …… 

What has worked/ is working for me is knowing and believing that I am living under a promise and a covenant with God …. I am living daily but his GRACE …even though my faith each day is tested to the extreme, I still believe his grace is always sufficient.

 God’s grace is His unmerited favour, and today I stand in faith with you and pray may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, now and evermore. 

Amen.

Have a Fabio weekend peeps … and as I always say ….. more rant to come xoxoxo